I’ve had my fair share of injuries in the past, a broken ankle (due to a bowling ball), knee injuries and countless hamstring issues. The factor that links all these injuries is that they’re visible. Physical injuries that can be seen by the eye.
This blog post is about my anxiety being an injury (maintaining the football theme) that is invisible, it cannot be seen by the eye.
Here’s a short poem I wrote especially for this;
Seeing is believing,
False. Mental injuries are decieving.
What you see on the surface; the smile and the laughter,
Only masks the invisible disaster that slowly unfolds beneath.
What can be seen by your eyes; the smile, the laughter are innocent “lies” the injury has conjured, tricking your mind to believe what your eyes see.
But believe me…
That person suffering from that mental injury just wants to be set free,
Released from the tormenting tricks their mind relentlessly plays on them,
They can’t escape no matter how hard they try,
The chained straight jacket is locked too tight,
They’re suffocated. Fight or flight?
Neither.
They wish this trick was a disappearing act, not an escape act.
For it would be easier to disappear, be invisible than to escape something that they or you cannot see.
Believe me.
Player: “Sorry boss, can’t play today, I’m injured.”
Manager: “You look fine, put your kit on.”
Just because they look “fine” doesn’t mean they are. Anxiety’s power stems from it’s invisibility. A mental injury is not always seen, but it is always present.
The injury can become more manageable once an understanding is firmly established, and the individual suffering from it can articulate it in their own words. So they can express it to others specifically, so they can understand it more easily.
However, understanding the mental injury itself is considerably more difficult than understanding a physical injury. It takes more time. For a physical injury it becomes a “see the injury, process it, then understand it.” For a mental injury like anxiety, it becomes an “understand the injury, process that information, then have the ability to be able to see it.”
This causes issues for diagnosis.
It’s incredibly difficult to diagnose correctly first time round.
Like myself, I wasn’t able to articulate until very recently how my anxiety makes me feel and what it causes. My inability to explain and articulate with my own words how it felt led to an unfortunate misdiagnosis. (I now have the correct diagnosis.) The words I used to articulate my feelings initially led the doctor to diagnose depression. I went on medication for that diagnosis which caused intense, unwanted side effects. All because of my inability to express and articulate an invisible illness that I had never experienced before.
I wasn’t able to use my voice effectively enough to give the doctor the opportunity to correctly diagnose my condition.
The reason for that is because I had a lack of understanding, a lack of knowledge about what I was experiencing. I had no clue.
Knowledge is power. Society needs to be educated, so people who suffer from these invisible injuries can articulate them clearly, increasing the chances to be diagnosed correctly, avoiding any unnecessary complications that comes with a misdiagnosis.
I wish I had the understanding to be able to articulate my anxiety sooner rather than later.
Yes it’s important for people to talk about mental health but the right words need to be spoken, because the wrong words could leave your life broken.
Sweet dreams x
Jason
The Journeyman 